There's only one way to keep the aging male happy. Lie. Here are some helpful suggestions. You're welcome.
Follow on Twitter! >>
THE YOU’RE A GREAT FATHER LIE: “Sure, we can just duct tape the cracked car seat. The baby won’t even notice!”
“You’re a great shot, honey. You’d think you could hit the toilet on occasion.”
“You guys should TOTALLY get your own TV show. Who wouldn’t watch Kansas City Derek piss the bed?!?!?”
“Women love hairy backs. It’s like having sex with a shag rug.”
“Go ahead and bust out that Young MC. You ‘bout to set this place on fire!”
“Wiffleball is not immature, babe. Especially when you keep such detailed statistics.”
“Yeah, you could have been a Navy Seal. Even though you’re afraid of cats — how often do Seals have to deal with cats?”
“I don’t know why the fire won’t start, honey. Did you try drinking your 8th beer?”
